Having a bad day?

Every now and then we come across an amazing story/piece of information that we have to share with you! I Loved this blog written by Steve Schwartz that talks about what is really going on when we "have a bad day"....Enjoy!

The Science Behind "Having a Bad Day" (and How to Solve It)

Sometimes you wake up, and within the first hour or so, you know it's going to be a bad day. It happened to me a couple days ago, and it happened to my girlfriend just this morning. So I'd like to take this opportunity to go on the record saying this entire notion of having a "bad day" is bullshit! Don't worry, this is not a rant, there's real science behind it. Let me explain.

A Bad Day is as Real as You Make It

Think for a minute… when is the last time you had a bad day? When is the last time a couple things happened, not quite as you had planned, and you thought, "I cannot wait until today is over!"

Here's the thing… there is absolutely no such thing as a bad day in reality. A bad day only exists in our interpretation of reality, which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When asked in an interview [1] if there is any science behind why a bad day occurs, Peter J. Bentley, PhD, writer of Why Sh*t Happens: The Science of a Really Bad Day, responded:

Yes, and it's our fault, I'm afraid! The statistics show that people who believe in bad luck will have more accidents on Friday the 13th. Those who have a negative attitude are more likely to endow normal little mishaps with some mystical significance. Some psychologists even suggest that it's a way of subconsciously avoiding responsibility for our actions. "It was Friday 13th, so I was bound to stick my fingers with superglue" or "Accidents happen in threes, so after the first mishap the next two were inevitable." Of course it's nonsense.

So there you have it, we have the ability to make a bad day exist if we believe it to exist.

Disclaimer: I have not yet read the book mentioned above, and only came across it when doing research for this essay. I have added it to my queue and look forward to posting an update once I've read it. If you've read this book and have some feedback, let me know in the comments!

Simplification Turned Against Us

The question then becomes, if we know that a bad day is all in our heads, then why do we allow it to occur? Why do we give in and throw away the rest of our day, simply by accepting and believing that we are indeed having a bad day?

The answer: it's a convenient over-simplification.

The brain's facility to simplify, in most contexts, is very useful and beneficial. Our brains develop symbols, or abstract representations of complex ideas, that allow us to connect the represented ideas with other ideas, and to build upon them, without having to keep the full details of every complex idea at the forefront of our minds.

In other words, simplification clears our minds, freeing our brains to draw additional connections and conclusions from complex ideas, data, and experiences.

But what happens when we simplify experiences with the wrong symbolic conclusion? This is precisely what happens when we conclude that we are having a bad day. We blame our misfortune on factors outside of our own control, in order to avoid analyzing the real reasons things happened as they did (or perhaps even to eschew our own responsibility). Hence, it is easy for us to believe we're having a bad day. The obvious downside is that once you accept the convenient conclusion that the entire day is for naught, it will actually cause the rest of your day to go horribly awry.

I'm not exactly saying you should discard all belief in the notion of luck. In fact, a recent study published in Psychology Today indicates that people who believe in luck are in fact luckier and happier throughout their lives than those who don't [2]. Perhaps we should believe in good luck, but not bad luck, if such a thing is possible.

The Waterglass of Expectation
I'm sure you've heard of the Placebo Effect. More specifically, studies examining the neurobiological effects of placebos, such as analgesia, have shown definitively that our expectations directly impact our interpretation of reality. Medical subjects who are told they will experience pain, experience heightened pain. Subjects who are merely told that they have been given something to reduce pain, experience a greatly reduced level of pain. The only difference was the expectation each subject had going in. [3]

Furthermore, Robert Coghill, PhD, a pain researcher at Wake Forest, has taken MRIs of subjects and found that this placebo-induced analgesia occurs at the most basic level or our perception of pain. It's not just a matter of patients fooling themselves into experiencing lesser pain. The brain regions that interpret pain actually show far less activity when subjects have lowered expectations for the pain they will experience. [4]

We've already established that if you expect bad things to happen, you are more susceptible to having bad things happen to you. As the cherry on top, negative expectations will also cause you to interpret things in a negative manner. So, even if the rest of your day is average, you won't see it that way.

Experiencing the world with negative expectations is like viewing reality through a muddy waterglass. Your view will be distorted and you won't like what you see.

Ending Our Bad Day
Neurobiology is fun and interesting, but how does this help us fix our bad day? After all, even when we know a bad day is all in our heads, it can still be very convincing and real to us when we're having one. Here are a few steps that can help turn a bad day around:

1.Reflect on the negative feeling you have right now. Is it stress? Anxiety? Frustration? What caused it? Try to label it in one to three words, but no more! For instance, it might be "frustration with clients" or "anger from assholes." You know, something like that. Once you've labeled it, do not think about the feeling or events anymore. Move on and only refer back to the label if necessary.
Matthew Lieberman, an associate professor at UCLA, has shown that the simple act of putting our feelings into a word or two can dramatically reduce the effect of those feelings. When you're angry, simply attaching the word "anger" to your feeling makes you less angry. [5]

2.Re-evaluate the situation or events that lead to this stress. Find some conceivable positive outcome. Did you just lose a client? Figure out why, and you're left with a powerful experience from the school of hard knocks, which you can use to your advantage in the future.

Or if that fails, try to imagine some way it could have gone worse (your mileage may vary with this technique… I've just found that it works for me).

Reevaluation is often much easier said than done (it's the most difficult step in this list by far). There are a few tricks you can use to help you get in the right mindset to reevaluate your situation. These tricks rely on the fact that the brain responds to novelty by releasing dopamine, which puts you in a good mood can help to reset your outlook. [6]

The crazy thing is that you can trigger your brain's novelty response with seemingly small and trivial changes. The main idea is to simply change your environment in some small way so as to cause an out-of-the-ordinary experience. Some examples (which I've had a lot of luck with) include heightening or lowering your chair (or moving the seat in your car slightly aft or fore, but so as to still be comfortable and safe). You may also try listening to a different type of music; if you normally listen to rock, listen to some hip hop for the day. Go for a bike ride or walk in an area you've never explored (again, stay safe). For lunch, go to a restaurant at which you've never eaten.

3.Remember that the outcome of the previous minute is not indicative of the outcome of the next minute. Likewise, the last hour has no bearing on the next hour, and this morning is no indication of what this afternoon will bring.

4.There is no step 4, just get on with your life already!
You may also try talking to someone you trust, but beware. As stated in #1 above, thinking too deeply can cause you to dwell and can heighten your sense of frustration or anger with the events that have gone unfavorably, which may lead inevitably to the downward spiral otherwise known as "a bad day".

For the full blog post and reference information, click here

Can you do "Double-Duty"

If there’s one thing people seem to agree on it is that we want less stress in our lives; from vacations to relationships to business it seems like there’s more and more to do and less and less time to do it in. And when summer rolls around we have even more people to see and more things to do. We can hardly see how to get it all done and the last thing we want to do is think ahead to what else is coming up this fall and winter.

But what if you could relax, do what you enjoy and see the people you care about this summer and it actually made your life easier later this year?

It is possible, and it’s actually quite easy to do; not by multi-tasking but by shifting and focusing on “double duty”. And wouldn't it be great if you could do "double duty" right now so you could have a better year end?

We know that there are lots of thing that you need to do later this year and throughout the holiday season, and many of us will be thinking about how we will "handle things", fit it all in and have some fun over the next few months. But did you know that with a little thought and some simple choices you can have fun in the sun AND for the rest of the year!

Action: Before you go sailing, vacationing, or visiting this summer, take 5 minutes and jot down a list of things you want to do and people you want to see over the next 6 months. Think ahead and see if any of those activities can do “double duty” and free up some of the holiday "Crunch". Can you plan a family reunion (or Christmas in July) to alleviate some of the holiday travel? Can you spend time doing things you enjoy and turn it into Christmas presents? No matter what it is, a little planning can leverage fun-in-the-sun and have AMAZING effects this holiday season! Have fun!

If you need some help figuring out how to take the stress out of your holidays we recommend this F.R*.E.E Help ~ Want to explore the secrets of summer fun and how it can make your holidays better? Click here.

Are You Getting Squashed?

Putting yourself in the spotlight isn't always easy. People have lots to say about anything you put out in the public eye. I've had people look at one of my books and tell me they already do that or they learned similar techniques or principles in someone else's book.

To be perfectly honest, the first time this happened it really took the wind out of my sails. But what I realized very shortly thereafter was that my voice is different, my delivery is different, and there are people out there who need to hear what I'm saying because my style and my voice are a fit for them. It is easier for them to understand me than someone else with the same message. It is easier for them to 'hear me' because of the way I share the stories of my life, and they can see what happens when they make various choices. They can see the struggle, and they can see the joy. And they might just be inspired enough to take the reins in their own life.

Action: Don't let nay sayers belittle your choices or step on your dreams! Know that you can make a difference in your own way, in your own voice, and in your own time – and remind yourself of this every day.

Dream Weaver...

I am reading The Horse Boy and the author and his family have just arrived in Mongolia to take a spiritual & healing trek. Upon arrival they are escorted to their hotel room in a city and this is the author's observation:

"I don't know quite how I had pictured our arrival in Mongolia. Straight off the plane and onto the steppe I guess, with caparisoned horses waiting for us just beyond the baggage claim, smiling nomads cheering us, shamans dancing and drumming, eagles circling in the sky, the horses, cattle, sheep, goats, and yaks doing some kind of Broadway number in the background and the wolves and bears of the mountain accompanying on sax and trombone. Something along those lines. Certainly not sitting in a second-rate hotel room (though I could tell that this was upper-end, with its plush red nylon pile carpet)..."

As I read these lines it hit me - that's what happens when we start to live our dreams. We find the discord between our dreams and the now. We have to step into the space that leads us toward our dreams and be willing to do what it takes to finally reach our goals.

Often times the journey doesn't look like it did in our dream. We encounter people and obstacles we didn't foresee. We have to take step we didn't plan. But if we continue forward we discover so much. We have new experiences and learn new skills. And we live a journey we never could have imagined. And this journey is what gives us the ability to reach our goals and live our dreams. This journey makes us into the people we need to be in order to live the life we imagine.

Action: Think about your dreams. Are you letting unforeseen obstacles prevent you from taking action. Are you changing your dream because the journey is different than you imagined? If you are letting these things stand in your way, take some time and make a list of all the new things that you have learned and the experiences that you have had because you decided to dream.